things change, people change, you change, but sometimes it's for the better, hopefully not for the worse, or it might just be a piece waiting to fall into place.
20080828
20080820
i am so stubborn
i hate asking for help..especially when i need it.
here's to anyone who reads : help me please.
here's to anyone who reads : help me please.
20080816
here it is
5 things to FIVE people I can't say this to; no names included!:
1) We really have grown apart.. We're both trying to explore in different directions and just trying to find ourselves, to learn more about ourselves and hopefully grow into 'good people'. But lately, i've bit my tongue at the rude remarks you make, your lack of manners..that are so unlike you and all i can do is whine about your decreasing consideration. I don't know if I can talk to you about this because im afraid you just wouldnt want to talk to me. I miss you alot, and im sad that i dont know how things are going.. but at the same time i feel unwanted and avoided from you. In everything included, i just feel forgotten. Be thoughtful?
2) We don't always get along, and constantly we tend to get each other annoyed. Your stress really puts stress on me too.. I feel like im always the one who hears your problems and you never take the time to ask me mine. You always make me feel guilty or stupid in any conversation i try to have with you.. but i can never stay mad at you for long because i know how much you love and care for me. I wish you understood that when you put me down you cant expect me to not get upset for it.. I dont like how you jump to conclusions and never take the time to listen. I learn so much good and..not so good things from you, ive developed characteristics like the ones i was talking about and it has only brought me further from relationships.
3) I dont know much to say about you and me. We both let our ends loose. I miss you and i wish we had that same relationship. I only wish that i had the same relationship you now share with somebody else.
4) I look up to you, and I miss just hanging out with you. I know you have your friends and 'your' life.. but i really miss when you wanted to hang with me too. You look out for me, and i look out for you. Youre so busy that you and I havent had a real talk in awhile. I understand you are in a point of your life where you are just making the best of it. But it would be cool if you took the time to think about us. I know we fight alot, but i love you alot. You were my bestfriend and the only one who really expericenced the bad and good with me. Miss you..
5) You don't really know me. I wish we had that bond everyone else seems to have. I know you love me but you never really take the time to know me. I wonder if you know what i think about life. I never saw much of you when i was little but i always knew how much i loved you, and how i looked forward to seeing you every chance i had. We both share that sense of humor, and about a certain someone but thats about it. I have so much to tell you but that's just not your personality. I hope that changes..
-----
i prayed really hard a few nights ago.. i cried alot too. I really miss how i use to feel.. like i was capable of anything. But since ive been sick for the past a little over 3 months ive done nothing but be negative. Ive done so many tests and still havent found out what's wrong. I truly believe in God, and Im going to start being positive. I just need someone to talk to, i just wish i knew that someone.
1) We really have grown apart.. We're both trying to explore in different directions and just trying to find ourselves, to learn more about ourselves and hopefully grow into 'good people'. But lately, i've bit my tongue at the rude remarks you make, your lack of manners..that are so unlike you and all i can do is whine about your decreasing consideration. I don't know if I can talk to you about this because im afraid you just wouldnt want to talk to me. I miss you alot, and im sad that i dont know how things are going.. but at the same time i feel unwanted and avoided from you. In everything included, i just feel forgotten. Be thoughtful?
2) We don't always get along, and constantly we tend to get each other annoyed. Your stress really puts stress on me too.. I feel like im always the one who hears your problems and you never take the time to ask me mine. You always make me feel guilty or stupid in any conversation i try to have with you.. but i can never stay mad at you for long because i know how much you love and care for me. I wish you understood that when you put me down you cant expect me to not get upset for it.. I dont like how you jump to conclusions and never take the time to listen. I learn so much good and..not so good things from you, ive developed characteristics like the ones i was talking about and it has only brought me further from relationships.
3) I dont know much to say about you and me. We both let our ends loose. I miss you and i wish we had that same relationship. I only wish that i had the same relationship you now share with somebody else.
4) I look up to you, and I miss just hanging out with you. I know you have your friends and 'your' life.. but i really miss when you wanted to hang with me too. You look out for me, and i look out for you. Youre so busy that you and I havent had a real talk in awhile. I understand you are in a point of your life where you are just making the best of it. But it would be cool if you took the time to think about us. I know we fight alot, but i love you alot. You were my bestfriend and the only one who really expericenced the bad and good with me. Miss you..
5) You don't really know me. I wish we had that bond everyone else seems to have. I know you love me but you never really take the time to know me. I wonder if you know what i think about life. I never saw much of you when i was little but i always knew how much i loved you, and how i looked forward to seeing you every chance i had. We both share that sense of humor, and about a certain someone but thats about it. I have so much to tell you but that's just not your personality. I hope that changes..
-----
i prayed really hard a few nights ago.. i cried alot too. I really miss how i use to feel.. like i was capable of anything. But since ive been sick for the past a little over 3 months ive done nothing but be negative. Ive done so many tests and still havent found out what's wrong. I truly believe in God, and Im going to start being positive. I just need someone to talk to, i just wish i knew that someone.
20080805
);
i woke up at 7:48 am to get ready for my 9:00 am neurologist appt-
i had an emg, and an ncv test done. blah, my doctor was filipino..big suprise at kaiser panorama.. anyway, my first test they put these nerve sticker things and shocked me at different volts and that didn't hurt really.. and then the next test was to see how my muscle was working, i got poked with a needle in several places in my muscle on both arms and legs.. it kind of hurt =/ but yeah. im at my cousins house and kinda gave up on keeping my cousin from france well entertained.. bc i dont drive, im too tired to hold a conversation and ugh im just a little stressed..only if i drove.. haha or had a good amt. of $$ , whatever though.
i had an emg, and an ncv test done. blah, my doctor was filipino..big suprise at kaiser panorama.. anyway, my first test they put these nerve sticker things and shocked me at different volts and that didn't hurt really.. and then the next test was to see how my muscle was working, i got poked with a needle in several places in my muscle on both arms and legs.. it kind of hurt =/ but yeah. im at my cousins house and kinda gave up on keeping my cousin from france well entertained.. bc i dont drive, im too tired to hold a conversation and ugh im just a little stressed..only if i drove.. haha or had a good amt. of $$ , whatever though.
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